


Dear Diary

by RachaelBmine



Series: Weird Things Lovers Do [3]
Category: EXO (Band), K-pop
Genre: Beagle Baekhyun, Crack, EXO - Freeform, Gen, If You Squint - Freeform, KaiSoo - Freeform, Long Distance Kris, Long Distance Luhan, Long Distance Tao, M/M, Mama Suho, OT12 - Freeform, Overworked Kai, Satansoo, big hyung Minseok, dear diary, do not take this seriously, im not even funny, its okay though, loud Jongdae, puppy chanyeol, they are diary entries after all, very short chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2017-09-26
Packaged: 2018-12-10 17:09:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11696148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RachaelBmine/pseuds/RachaelBmine
Summary: Mama Suho writes in his diary every night for a month...





	1. Day 1

Day 1

Dear Diary 

It’s been awhile huh? Well, everything is okay! We finally had our comeback! The fans seem to love the new concept. ~~Sehun~~ Not all of the boys seemed to have faith in the concept but I reassured them daily that all of the fans would love it. Actually, it only took the managers telling Hunnie-bun that he had more lines for him to be on board, and boy, has he bloomed! I am so proud of him. 

Jongdae, my most well-behaved child is singing as beautifully as he always has. Still no word from the higher ups about a solo album for him though. ~~Aiish! I swear I could do a better job~~ I would love for him to have an outlet for his dinosaur roars other than at home… during quiet hours. 

No, no, everything's fine! :) 

Soo is Soo. He looks so handsome with his new haircut! His anger management is improving… bit by bit. I did find him standing over Channies bed with a toaster in his hand the other night though. Channie screamed bloody murder and we all went rushing to see what happened. Turns out Soo was just sleepwalking! ~~So he says~~ Who knew he even did that! 

Channie was convinced that he would die of electrocution and I had to explain to him that he would have to be in water for that to work. Eventually, after Soo was tied back to his bed, the giant puppy dozed off in my arms… 

Such a sweet boy.

Speaking of Soo, he and Jongin can no longer room together. ~~I swear those boys are like bunnies~~ They will just be better off rooming separately. Jongin is still working very hard. Ah, he is always wanting the acceptance of his fans- both at home and internationally - so he is in the dance studio all the time. 

Minnie has stepped up and started helping with discipline around the dorm but I am concerned with some of his methods... That’s an entry for another day. 

<3 <3 <3  


Jun Myun

[](default.asp)  



	2. Day 2

Day 2

Dear Diary,

Today I arrived home to find Baekhyun wrapped in plastic wrap from head to toe save for an opening at his mouth. Poor Baekhyunnie was nearly in tears because he needed to relieve himself but couldn't move. Who knows how long he was like that. Channie helped out and carried him to the restroom where I had to cut a hole in the wrap and let him go. He insisted that he needed to poop also but I wasn’t having that. The poor boy had to wait until Channie unraveled him. 

Upon further investigation, I found out that Minseok was behind all of this and I walked in on him sitting in front of the tv watching Running Man as if nothing had happened.

Apparently, Baek had been annoying his hyung by poking him and calling his name repeatedly. I still don’t understand how Minnie actually got all of that wrap around Baek in the first place. His only response was, “brute force”.

I didn’t get to inquire any further because the ~~goddamned~~ fire detector when off in the kitchen. Soo was being sweet enough to get dinner started and things… went south. I salvaged that situation the same way I do most situations, I pulled out my bank card, which paid for delivery. 

Needless to say, I have a migraine and I ~~want to jump off the roof~~ need get some sleep. 

Saranghae! 

Jun Myun

  
  
Baekhyun was so embarrased! 


	3. Day 3

Dear Diary

It happened again last night! Ugh, why do I keep falling for the dick tricks? Kris sent me a drunk text, again, and I was ignoring him. But then he… started calling me momma and... I couldn’t just NOT respond. Texting turned into FaceTime, which turned into… well, let's just say the boys don’t know about this. It’s our little secret and I’d like to keep it that way. ;)

<3 *Shhhhhh*

Jun Myunieeeee

* * *

Text Transcript:

**Received 2:13 am**  
Jun-myunnieeeeee 

****

**Received 2:15 am  
** you awake?  
wakie wakie my cupcakie

****

**Received 2:17 am**  
come on and talk to me suho  
It's been a while... 

****

**Received 2:20 am**  
Do I need to fly back to Korea and make your ass respond?  
You know I can  
You know i will

****

**Received 2:30 am**  
oh come on momma, answer for daddy 

****

**Sent 2:35 am**  
Stop it Kris 

****

**Received 2:36 am**  
Stop? Thats not my style  


**Received 2:37 am**  
But momma decided to answer huh? 

****

********

********

  
2:38 am  
**The Dragon**  
would like to FaceTime  
call accepted...

  


  
  
  



	4. Day 4

Dear Diary

Today was an interesting day, to say the least. Our manager came to the practice room to have a chat with Jongin. Apparently, the higher ups can not handle the amount of sexy the boy is handing out on stage. They insist that he needs to pin his shirts to his pants so that his mid-drift does not show and to cover up his abs. I, however, tried to explain that it wasn’t just his abs that were hurting Elgi’s everywhere. It's a bit of everything, his abs, hips, his ~~sex~~ face, they way he moves so fluidly. ~~Hell, even I’ve nearly passed out a few times watching him dance.~~

They emphasized his need to remain modest during the Eve performances. This is just not possible for Jongin. Asking him to do that would be like asking a fish not to swim. I witnessed with my own eyes the fangirls die and come back to life while we are on stage. With the youtube videos getting millions of views internationally, I hear it's become a worldwide epidemic. I call it Jonginfluenza, because I am the funniest member of EXO…

Well, after laughing longer and harder than what would be considered necessary, I patted Jongin on the back and told him to keep being himself. That’s who everyone loves, after all. 

Which, in hindsight, may not have been the best parental advice I’ve ever given. 

 

Jun Myun

PS- They tried.

 

  


I shouldn’t laugh. People died.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so sorry.


	5. Day 5

Dear Diary

By now I am sure the whole world has seen our appearance on Knowing Bros and… ~~I just don’t know what to say~~... ~~I can explain everything.~~ It’s all my fault. I told them to be themselves this time around and I should have known better. We have always been an upstanding group that tries hard to be professional. I’ve made sure of that.... But dammit Baekhyun’s ass can’t seem to control his mouth!

 

I knew everything was going south when he started confessing to breaking into the bathrooms while other members showered. I could feel the flood coming when they brought up his chopstix skill and I seriously screamed CUT about 30 times, all edited out of course, and I begged them to not air his bit. They insisted that it was good material, which is true, however, they did not take into account my ulcer caused by Byun Baekhyun. It will only get worse the more variety shows that we do. 

 

I know, I know, Baek is our crowd pleaser. He always seems to know how to work an audience and our Elgi’s love him but that doesn’t make it any easier for a single mom with eight children. 

 

Enough about Baek, I have other news. Kris tried to facetime me again and guess what? I ignored it. Look I can’t always be easy, at some point in time he will have to learn that. Ha! Jokes on him. Shhh, this is between us but I’ve been chatting with another tall and handsome idol recently. He told me that he admires me and I don’t blame him since I am the best leader. Well other than G-Dragon hyung. This tall glass of milk is also making an effort to befriend the kids too! I mean how often can you find a guy that is willing to date a single mom with eight kids?

 

Try never. 

 

And no, this is totally not a plot to make my ex jealous in hopes that he will come running back to me. I am over it… like, yesterday. 

 

Anyways, wish me luck with both the new love interest and my damn ulcer.

Jun Myun

 

PS- I can't take his ass anywhere.


End file.
